For years, I cared about what my mother thought of me. I valued her opinion because she was the head of the house and I respected her. But, as I grew up, I have come to realize that I have been wasting my time and energy looking for approval from her. She could careless about me. Yes, I live in her home but I am just existing until I can do better. I got trapped with her because for a long time she was my safety net. When I fell, she would provide a cushion for me to land on. She bailed me out of trouble and she was there for me while I was self destructing. However, when I started pulling myself together and got my business back up and running, she changed. She started treating me like I was an intruder. Whenever she needs legal paperwork done, it’s all good and I’m treated like a human being. But as soon as the deed is done, right back where I started with sub human tendencies. The root of my problems starts and end with her and her family members. I’ve been sexually or physically assaulted by many of them. And mentally abused by my mother.
I had all three of my children while home with her and she helped me raise them. Then, she took over and raised them when I was self destructing. If any problems came up with my children at school or any paperwork needed to be done, I was called and solved the problem almost immediately. You see, I am only useful as a word-smith. Once my usefulness is over, I am thrown aside. I was cool with this when I had my children but now that they are grown, her behavior is taking a toll on me. The older my mother gets, the worse she gets. I have been bitten by her twice, scratched and hit. I am being literally abused by an elder. I thought all of the abuse was over with.
She wants me to pay rent right? However, there’s a 12 midnight curfew, I can’t have company, I have to beg for a bath and beg to get my clothes washed. Just me. My kids can come and go as they please and bathe whenever. She just started out busting into the bathroom to make sure I was taking a bird bath. I would be completely naked and she would just charge in. She would bust into my bedroom while I’m sleeping naked. I can’t go into full details of what I have done for her because the legality of some of it is in question. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her and now, I have her ass to kiss, each and everyday. After all I have done, I get her ass to kiss. How ghetto is that?
Well guess what? I am done being her foot stool. I am done seeking her approval. She holds my children in high regard and I am cool with that but she has thrown her purse at them so much that they are stuck. Only one of the three is working at building a future. Two of them don’t know what they want and are trapped inside the box. They are not hungry and have no real desire to succeed. I never wanted that for my children. I wanted them to grow up and leave but it looks like the only way they can leave is if I leave. My credit was on the mend until my youngest son defaulted on his cellular phone bill that was in my name. $1,000 dollars in default, I have a new business and can’t afford to pay the bill, so my credit is dead again.
Instead of paying my son’s bill, my mother bought him a new laptop, new video games, gamefly and netflix subscriptions, clothes and allowed him to quit his job and just lay home. She even started a savings account for him too but the bill he left on me is OK with her. There is no value lessons being taught here. And, I’m tired. I tired of jumping through hoops trying to please someone that can’t be pleased. When I do move and it will be soon, I won’t look back or even call for at least six months. Then, and only after six months, I’ll call back and check on my children. And help the ones that want to see outside the box.
written by Joan Nyobe