I had  been running from my Alahym for a long time and He has kept nudging me.

All through the years of my life. But I thought YAHUAH had made a mistake and

put me in the wrong century. Bad things kept happening to me. And I asked, “why

couldn’t my heart get hard like so many other people?  Why was I being used and

drained by spiritually dead people? And,  why I was surrounded by fake people

who meant me no good?” YAHUAH nagged at me and kept reminding me that He

was there. People would invite me to their church,  Christians would invite me to

study the bible with them, seemingly, when I needed to the most and I tried to

succumb to it. I would go to church for a while, or have bible study. I would

start going in their direction for a while and then slip right back into worldly

things, getting deeper and deeper into ruts that were driving me crazy. Going

from one bad relationship to the next. One fake friend after the other.  I felt

like people were going to suck the life right out of me. And at 49, I was

weary and tired one night  and I got down on my knees. I cried, and begged

YAHUAH (God back then) to come into my life. I could not handle it by

myself anymore. Too many wolves wrapped in sheep clothing were after

my soul.  That night, I gave myself to Yahuah (Still calling Him God),

completely. I begged for the ancient paths and the old ways. My heart

and  my spirit were broken. I surrendered and felt only YAHUAH could

help me at that point. My situation was bigger than me. Immediately

after crying and praying, I felt a sense of calm. I felt like everything was

going to be all right. I was trying to turn my life around. I was tired of

drugging and hanging with people, who could care less about me. I was

tired of dragging myself through the mud, for things that happened to me,

that was out of my control.  It was not my fault.  Yet, I blamed me for the

child molesters that corrupted my childhood and I blamed me for the bullies

that wreaked havoc on my young life. As a young adult, I thought I was

destined to forever have tragic things happen to me. I was sexually

assaulted and my virginity was taken in date rape. It all came to a head

in my mid 20s. But I had to go through 4 nervous breakdowns. I had

three beautiful babies, out of wedlock, by three different fathers. All

three fathers chose not to be involved in their child’s life. This  was

incredibly painful. I blamed myself and  spiraled out of control and

street drugs took over. I hated me and I blamed YAHUAH for all that

had gone horribly wrong in my life. But, it was not Yahuah’s fault.

The prince of this world is Satan. Everything that happened to me reeked

of the devil. Yah had no part in my worldly traumas. The child molesters,

the bullies, the men that sexually assaulted me and my date rape were all

done by spiritually dead people. And they almost took me down with them.

The nervous breakdowns, the self destructive path with suicide attempts,

almost but did not shut down the light inside of me. Yahuah knew that He

had a better plan for me. I couldn’t see it. All I knew was that I was too kind

hearted and people were always trying to take advantage of me. That was my

biggest weakness, or so I thought. See YAHUAH is Love. And His Love is Kind.

YAHUAH made me kind and loving. It wasn’t my fault that people couldn’t stand

being around my goodness and tried to corrupt me or destroy me. For a while

though, they did steal my joy and almost ruined me. But once I surrendered,

Alahym enveloped me with a sense of assurance that “this too shall pass”. I

became celibate, started my own business with zero seed money, and struggled

to make it in the entrepreneurial world. Don’t get me wrong, my new struggles

are good struggles. I stay humble and strive to be in the world but not of the world.

YAHUAH has been good to me. My business is growing at a slow but solid pace.

YAHUAH removed the  bad people that were hanging in my life and blessed me

with not friends but Achy and Achuty people that have become my family. All

of them have Yahuah first in their lives. But it didn’t stop there. Yahuah knew I

needed to grow and learn, to stay busy and work to sustain. I needed help and I

prayed and asked to be able to stand on my own two feet. He sent business my

way, that found me on the internet. He placed spiritual people in my path that

is helping me to learn and grow. As far as relationships with the opposite sex,

I’m waiting and we shall see. I’m not looking. Just allowing the YAHUAH to

provide all that I need. I’ve already squandered 30 years of my life on guys

who didn’t deserve the time of day, yet alone, have access to my mind, body

and soul. For that, I have been celibate for  two years. I do not want do

anything that’s not pleasing to YAHUAH. I’m not yet able to stand on my own

two feet. But, it’s coming. I can feel it.  And I claim it, in YAHUSHA’S  name.

YAHUAH is all I want now. And  YAHUAH provides people around me to assist

with my spiritual walk. I now have genuine people that really care about me in

my life. Isn’t that something? I could cry at how beautiful YAHUAH’S love is…

but I won’t get emotional. After all these years of having cold hearted, spiritually

dead people just take, take, and take from me, I can now say, for the first time in

my life….I have true family around me. How Good is Yah’s Love? Priceless.

YAHUAH ALAHYM don’t make mistakes!

by Joan Farley