I had been running from my Alahym for a long time and He has kept nudging me.
All through the years of my life. But I thought YAHUAH had made a mistake and
put me in the wrong century. Bad things kept happening to me. And I asked, “why
couldn’t my heart get hard like so many other people? Why was I being used and
drained by spiritually dead people? And, why I was surrounded by fake people
who meant me no good?” YAHUAH nagged at me and kept reminding me that He
was there. People would invite me to their church, Christians would invite me to
study the bible with them, seemingly, when I needed to the most and I tried to
succumb to it. I would go to church for a while, or have bible study. I would
start going in their direction for a while and then slip right back into worldly
things, getting deeper and deeper into ruts that were driving me crazy. Going
from one bad relationship to the next. One fake friend after the other. I felt
like people were going to suck the life right out of me. And at 49, I was
weary and tired one night and I got down on my knees. I cried, and begged
YAHUAH (God back then) to come into my life. I could not handle it by
myself anymore. Too many wolves wrapped in sheep clothing were after
my soul. That night, I gave myself to Yahuah (Still calling Him God),
completely. I begged for the ancient paths and the old ways. My heart
and my spirit were broken. I surrendered and felt only YAHUAH could
help me at that point. My situation was bigger than me. Immediately
after crying and praying, I felt a sense of calm. I felt like everything was
going to be all right. I was trying to turn my life around. I was tired of
drugging and hanging with people, who could care less about me. I was
tired of dragging myself through the mud, for things that happened to me,
that was out of my control. It was not my fault. Yet, I blamed me for the
child molesters that corrupted my childhood and I blamed me for the bullies
that wreaked havoc on my young life. As a young adult, I thought I was
destined to forever have tragic things happen to me. I was sexually
assaulted and my virginity was taken in date rape. It all came to a head
in my mid 20s. But I had to go through 4 nervous breakdowns. I had
three beautiful babies, out of wedlock, by three different fathers. All
three fathers chose not to be involved in their child’s life. This was
incredibly painful. I blamed myself and spiraled out of control and
street drugs took over. I hated me and I blamed YAHUAH for all that
had gone horribly wrong in my life. But, it was not Yahuah’s fault.
The prince of this world is Satan. Everything that happened to me reeked
of the devil. Yah had no part in my worldly traumas. The child molesters,
the bullies, the men that sexually assaulted me and my date rape were all
done by spiritually dead people. And they almost took me down with them.
The nervous breakdowns, the self destructive path with suicide attempts,
almost but did not shut down the light inside of me. Yahuah knew that He
had a better plan for me. I couldn’t see it. All I knew was that I was too kind
hearted and people were always trying to take advantage of me. That was my
biggest weakness, or so I thought. See YAHUAH is Love. And His Love is Kind.
YAHUAH made me kind and loving. It wasn’t my fault that people couldn’t stand
being around my goodness and tried to corrupt me or destroy me. For a while
though, they did steal my joy and almost ruined me. But once I surrendered,
Alahym enveloped me with a sense of assurance that “this too shall pass”. I
became celibate, started my own business with zero seed money, and struggled
to make it in the entrepreneurial world. Don’t get me wrong, my new struggles
are good struggles. I stay humble and strive to be in the world but not of the world.
YAHUAH has been good to me. My business is growing at a slow but solid pace.
YAHUAH removed the bad people that were hanging in my life and blessed me
with not friends but Achy and Achuty people that have become my family. All
of them have Yahuah first in their lives. But it didn’t stop there. Yahuah knew I
needed to grow and learn, to stay busy and work to sustain. I needed help and I
prayed and asked to be able to stand on my own two feet. He sent business my
way, that found me on the internet. He placed spiritual people in my path that
is helping me to learn and grow. As far as relationships with the opposite sex,
I’m waiting and we shall see. I’m not looking. Just allowing the YAHUAH to
provide all that I need. I’ve already squandered 30 years of my life on guys
who didn’t deserve the time of day, yet alone, have access to my mind, body
and soul. For that, I have been celibate for two years. I do not want do
anything that’s not pleasing to YAHUAH. I’m not yet able to stand on my own
two feet. But, it’s coming. I can feel it. And I claim it, in YAHUSHA’S name.
YAHUAH is all I want now. And YAHUAH provides people around me to assist
with my spiritual walk. I now have genuine people that really care about me in
my life. Isn’t that something? I could cry at how beautiful YAHUAH’S love is…
but I won’t get emotional. After all these years of having cold hearted, spiritually
dead people just take, take, and take from me, I can now say, for the first time in
my life….I have true family around me. How Good is Yah’s Love? Priceless.
YAHUAH ALAHYM don’t make mistakes!
by Joan Farley