Anticipation grew as the countdown began. Within days, this man I have loved, since my
son was three months old, in my womb, would be here. We talked everyday or texted
each other, in the days leading up to his arrival. It was like no time had passed
between us. I forgave him a long time ago. We are both older now and more mature.
We have both been through the hard knocks in life. Even on our separate journeys,
our lives took on a similar nature. He never married or had anymore children.
I had one more child and had no successful relationship with any other man.
He was haughty and self serving in his youth. He seems more sensitive and
caring. He has empathy in his heart now. It’s comfortable talking with him.
I just feel safe with him. I feel like I belong with him. And, We fit like a hand
and glove. He feeds my mental and my physical. And now, he can also feed
my spiritual needs too. He’s my “Big Poppa.” When I picked him up at the airport,
we couldn’t embrace. Traffic at Ronald Reagan National airport is crazy.
Worse than your neighborhood zoo. As we drove to the hotel,
I kept feeling like I was riding with my son. It’s crazy how much alike
they look. And that look, stopped us from being really romantic with each other.
We had sex a little and but it was not fulfilling. We left the motel early and went
home where my family was waiting. Our time with Kenneth was wonderful
and filled with laughter and fun. Even though our son shunned us and
treated us like we were the enemy camp, majority of the time.
Kenneth had bible study with me, my daughter, and my mother, twice.
And a third bible study was with my daughter and me. He made studying
the word fun. He pulled the most exciting of stories from the scripture and
elaborated on the spiritual aspects of it. It was wonderful. He cooked
breakfast and dinner for us. He also helped with chores in the yard.
He embraced my whole family and said “We’re family.” He playfully
adopted my daughter and son as his own and had their love in return.
He gave my mom a lot of time because she is 71. He even embraced my brother,
who was going through depression. He cried, real tears, and said he hadn’t
seen a man broken in spirit like that in a long time. We didn’t get much
me and him time, (He didn’t feel right having stolen moments in my
mom’s house. He said he and I will have a better time when I come to
Florida). When we went to the motel, before coming to the house,
his mind was on his son. He wanted to see him. When my son came home,
he stood in the foyer, shocked. They embraced each other and then he sat
on the sofa and kept this stone face the whole time until his father told him
to go to bed. I laughed at him but my heart and his father’s heart, were broken
into pieces. At one point, his father was going to leave early, but the airline would
have charged $170 more for him to leave early. So he stayed and embraced us with
love, respect, consideration, and warmth. He’s a great guy. I had great taste, when I
chose him, all those years ago. Kenneth left on November 27th at 6pm.
And, I finally let him know how I feel, though it was through unconventional means.
He ignored all the letters I wrote him in the past and he says
he don’t remember about the letters. He said he never knew how I felt.
He said, “I didn’t know you had feelings for me.” He said he never knew how
I felt about him. Yeah right! How could he not have known?
Was he that far up his own behind that he couldn’t see the clearing in the
forest? He regrets never raising his child. He always wanted another, so he
could raise it. Seems like God didn’t allow it because he turned his back on his son,
even though he sent child support. Karma seemed to have paid us both a visit
because our son gave us both the cold shoulder. In fact, our son completely
treated all of us, Grandma included, with disdain. Kenneth thought we were enjoying
a great relationship with his son, all these years. We showed him that his son has
been a piece of work, his whole life. I’m not angry at my son because that’s my son’s issue
and his alone. I was there for him when he needed me. I did my part as a single mom.
When my son needs me, I’ll be there for him. As long as I get respect from him…cool!
I won’t tolerate his behavior. And, I told my son that Karma will pay him a visit soon.
I didn’t want to share my feelings with his father,completely, because he’s wishy washy,
still. He told me about the women in his life and they were blowing up his phone while
he was here. He said,”They want to be Mrs. Michael s and I don’t have those feelings for them.”
I don’t care. All I know is that I don’t want that. I don’t need that drama at my stage in life.
I am passed that point. I want to appreciate the second leg of my lifespan with a partner
I can grow old with. Someone who is on a spiritual walk, like I am. God unburdened my heart
when He freed me from addiction to drugs and men. I am on an good path now.
Kenneth can and will tramples hearts like an ice crusher.
But, it was wonderful having him here. He is running from his true calling as a minister
and its eating him alive. He drinks excessively which I think will change once he accepts his
calling. I found that we are so much alike its scary. We like the same foods, the
same music, the same everything, and we converse and connect, so easily…
we’re soulmates but he has to discover that on his own because he is the man. I
love him so much, I am willing to wait because love is patient.
He and I both filled the house with laughter and love throughout the
Thanksgiving holiday. It was awesome, having him here.
I sent him a text and told him I love him and that I will
always love him. I told him I trust him and I respect him.
He said he feels the same way. And I left it there because I’m scared
that he will trample my heart the way he did years ago. I know he has
changed for the better. He’s not the same haughty man so full of himself.
He’s warm and sensitive now. I won’t romanticize everything because
there are things about him that I don’t care for like his thoughts being
trapped “inside” the box. but I am waiting and hoping he grow out of it when
he stops running from his true calling. Our plane tickets have been purchased
for me, my daughter and my youngest son. Joshua will just miss out on the
wonderful opportunity to bond with his father. Stay tuned for part three of this saga.
by Joan Farley Nyobe